I am doing a book called grieving the child I never knew. I lost my sweet unborn baby on 2/2/2010 and I never knew my heart could be hurt so badly and continue on beating. I am no stranger to
greif, my husband suffered through brain surgery for a brain tumor and radiation. That was a
terriable time and I had no idea how we were ever going to make it through that but we did. God held us through that time in our lives and I felt so blessed to have come out of it with a husband who is almost better than he was before he was
diagnoised. I figured I had been through the worst time in my life and it would all be cake from there. Even my husband getting a job in a city four hours away was a cake walk compared to facing cancer. I stayed behind because of so many reasons but he comes home every weekend and we are closer now that we have ever been. Plus the job is temporary and he could be laid off any day.
We had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year (mind you I only see him on the weekends) and we finally got pregnant. I found out late December that I would be having a baby on august 20
th. I was a little worried about being pregnant during the summer but I was so happy to be pregnant. I went through 6 weeks of pregnancy with all the usual stuff and around week 10 I started feeling better. I figured it was because I was nearing the end of my first trimester and that's when I felt better with my first child Tyler. That Sunday though I ended up in the hospital with heavy bleeding. The doc's there told me it was a
UTI and to go home and rest. The following
Tuesday I miscarried at home very
traumatically (not that every miscarriage isn't
traumatic but I had to see my unborn child and it's am image I will never forget). My Mom called 911 because I was so hysterical and bleeding very heavily. I left my home with my heart broken because I had to leave both of my children behind. My poor sweet Tyler scared because he did not know what was going on and my little Bean who never was taken back home after only being here for 11 weeks.
I was alone at the hospital because Sean had gone back to work and My mother had to stay with my son. But I was not really alone, God never left me. I actually felt his presence the whole time I felt pressure from his presence and it was very comforting. Sean called after I had been admitted in the ER expecting to hear from a hysterical woman again but I was calm and collected. God had given me that gift. A dear friend soon arrived to be with me and Sean made it in just as the were wheeling me into surgery for a D&C. How
appropriate that this happened on groundhogs day, cause I live it over and over again.
Please follow me as I go through 31 days of devotion to grieve the child I never knew, Noah.