Day 4

From Minimizing to Validating

This was a very hard chapter. This was the closest I came to shedding tears. I still hold on to them so tightly though. I fear letting my emotions out, I fear I won't be able to control them.

1. How have others minimized your loss? How does that make you feel? Why do you feel others responded that way?

I thankfully have not have many people minimizing my pain. A few people said that the baby was probably not right and that's why God took him home, even I have said that. I don't pretend to know why others say the things they do. I think maybe because for so long talking about pregnancy loss was taboo. Old habits are hard to break.

2. Read Psalm 139 aloud. What verses validate your child's worth?

Your eye's saw my unformed body. All the day ordained for me were written in your book. Every Moment was laid out before a single moment had passed.

This moved me quite a bit. Almost brought me to tears. God did knit this baby in my womb and even though his life never came to be God knew him and loved him. Noah was a beautiful gift and I take comfort in the fact that even know he never took his first breath his heart was beating and he is not forgotten by me or by God.

3. Often people make hurtful comments because they are uninformed. They may not fully understand that loss is loss and you cannot compare how long you were pregnant or had a child to the grief you may feel. What could others say that could validate your loss?

I have two friends who lost babies at birth, when they told me my loss was tremendous and worthy of grief I felt so validated. Even these women who had lost so much more (in my opinion) saw my baby for what he was to me. What others could say who have not experienced such loss is just I'm sorry. Period. No "it was probably for the best" or "it could have been worse". Just acknowledge that even though he was very small that I lost a child. That is what Noah was to me. My child. I loved him and wanted him so badly. when I think that I will never feel his little body in my arms it overwhelms me.