Day 1

Hiding

1. How have you been hiding the pain of your loss?

I talked a lot about my loss the first few weeks after it happened but then I stopped. I don't really know why, I guess I figured people were sick of hearing me talk about it. To be honest I was a little sick of hearing me talk about it. I just wanted to move on but I think I moved on a little to much to fast. Sometimes when friends of mine post about their pregnancies it hits me like a punch to the gut. Maybe it will until august 20th passes, maybe it wont. So to answer the question I have been hiding but pretending it did not happen. I know it happened and I talk about it sometimes but I don't talk to the one person who matters about it. I know He wants me to but I'm afraid.

2. How have you felt disconnected? Physically? Emotionally? Socially? Spiritually?

I feel most disconnected emotionally because so many friends of mine have babies and pregnant. I don't have to keep up with the Jones' but I really wanted to have another baby and I'm so sad that I'm not.

3. Imagine someone calling out, "where are you in your grief?" How would you respond today?

How would you like to respond a year from now?

I would respond today that I don't know. I have kinda put my grief on hold and have decided I will deal with it when it does not hurt so much to do so. I did the same thing with Sean's cancer and I tell ya, that bit me in the butt.

A year from now I would like to say that I have given my grief to God and while I will never forget my baby I do accept that God's timing is always perfect and Noah was not meant for me to keep.

4. Are you ready now to take a few steps forward in grieving your child?

yes.

This first devotion was short and sweet but it did open my eyes to the fact that I have put my grief on hold.